“The thing I hate most about my shyness is its inconsistency. Some days I can give a speech, or walk into a party and speak to everyone there and enjoy it. Other days I won’t answer the door or be able to speak to anyone, even people I know well.”
Do you empathise with the above? Keep reading!
There are two main types of shy people
People in the first category get a strong feeling of anxiety whenever they face a social situation. They usually tend to close into themselves and can’t find the motivation to look up a solution to their problem. They prefer to be left in their own world and never be bothered to get out of their cozy and protective comfort zone.
Since you’re reading this, I doubt you belog to this type. The most people that are actively looking to overcome their shyness fall into the second category.
People that fall in the second category always look fora solution to their shyness, that they’re well aware of. After reading many shy people’s concerns and problems, I’ve realized that most of them only encounter temporary episodes of shyness.
I’m exactly the same, so I can relate to that very well. I only encounter short episodes of shyness in my social life, after which I suddenly become very active again.
There are those times when you feel extremely sociable, you get along very well with friends, strangers, and everyone! You even get to talk in front of 30 or more people and do so without a problem. You feel like you’ve completely and permanently solved your shyness and self confidence problems.
This probably lasts for a while, after which you start feeling shy again.
Sounds familiar to you?
This is definitely a case I often find myself in. I realized this long ago and gave it a lot of thought until I was able to find the solution. I did my best to analyse how I acted in the past and what made the difference. Was it related to the month of the year? Or maybe the season? Unlikely.
Finally, I came to the conclusion that my occupations and my habits during the shyness or self confidence periods had a lot to do with my problem.
When I had important social activities that I was genuinely involved in, I had no time at all to think about my shyness and my social interactions with others! I found this was the main key to my perfectly natural and outgoing interactions with others! If I constantly kept myself busy with other things, I never felt shy or lacking in confidence.
On the other hand, there were also periods when I had a lot of spare time and did nothing but stay indoors doing useless stuff like playing PC games, watching movies and browsing facebook the whole day.
When this happened, my shyness always came back to me and I felt I was completely out of the social energy I needed.
I couldn’t see why, but every time I ignored my social life, it didn’t take longer than 2 or 3 days for my boost of self confidence to disappear!
What can YOU do to permanently overcome your shyness
Learn from your mistakes. Know that you must never ignore your social life, even after you feel like you’ve achieved everything you wanted. You’ll still have to hang on to your current habits if you want to keep it that way!
For me, attending social events constantly and taking part in group activities is what keeps me confident. I’m pretty sure this can work for you, too! I always involve in as many group school projects as my time allows me to, and always do my best to maintain a busy social life.
Another thing that will greatly help keep your shyness away is your passion. If you don’t have a passion (or hobby you love doing), then find one! Pick anything from photography, drawing, writing (poems maybe) to dancing and other sports.
My own passions are blogging and practicing martial arts. They both help keep me busy even if I have no social events or group activities to attend to. I recommend blogging (or writing a journal) to anyone that spends more than 30 minutes per day in front of the computer, on things like facebook and games.
If you’re not interested in blogging, reading is an awesome alternative (bloggers have to do it anyway). Reading other blogs and personal development books has always helped me A LOT in my interactions with other people. It provides you with an infinite amount of discussion subjects and interesting things you can do and say in every situation. Basically, reading is just another awesome thing that keeps you focused on something else than your (imaginary) shyness!
“The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid!”
- Claudia Lady Bird Johnson
Did this article help you? Share it with one friend in need! Who knows? You just might permanently change the way they feel about their shyness!
What are your own ways of overcoming shyness? Let us know in the comments!
Thanks for this post, am a very shy person and sometimes it get worst when i want to talk to a girl about a date
. With this few step i will try my best
Kingsley recently posted…Get Rid of Smoking to Prevent the Development of Lethal Lung Carcinoma
@Kingsley:
I’m glad you’ve found this helpful, Kingsley
Once you have a passion and start concentrating on your own development, your problems with dates and women will go away before you notice.
I’ll probably write more about this in the future, thanks for your input! Have an awesome week!
Hey. Thanks so much for this article. I can definitely relate. Sometimes when i stay shut in for a few days and then try to interact with people i just get very awkward and nervous. I definitely can recall that my most outgoing times have been when I keep up a busy life I’m general. Again, thanks! -Dawn
@Dawn:
Thanks a bunch for your comment, Dawn! I’m glad you’ve found this helpful
Wow, this is pretty close to my life. I can’t believe I never noticed that the times I felt the shyest were after I cut myself off from my best friends or when I turned down social events. Sometimes I feel shy around other people because I forget to spend time with the people who know me best.
My inconsistency of shyness confuses people, and maybe I wouldn’t be judged so harshly if I can stay consistent.
@Hannah:
It's hard to truly stay consistent for long periods, Hannah.
From my own experience, no matter what you do, you will always feel more or less shy, more or less happy, more or less feeling-like-being-social-right-now. But it's all about your mood, and knowing how to manipulate it!
I'm sure you'll get the hang of it very soon, just as long as you find the motivation to get yourself out there and experience new stuff constantly.
Facing social fears is very hard at first (until you get yourself going!), but the feeling of accomplishment you'll get from this is SO FANTASTIC!
But don't believe me. Try doing something you feel very nervous about. Like saying "hi!" to a stranger and asking how their day was so far, for example – if that makes you feel nervous!
Or, if that's too easy for you, give a public speech when you have the opportunity to. Let me know how you feel afterwards!
Andrew recently posted…Why is “Be Yourself!” Such an Overused Tip?
A liberal use of bravado always helps too, Andrew.
Meaning another trick is to simply go out with some of your other shy friends and, in a pack, you gain a renewed confidence simply because you’re in a comfortable situation. This gives you a boost you wouldn’t have when alone. Simple tip that is another foundational step in confidence building.
Yeah Martin, definitely! Going out with some friends is probably the easiest thing you can do to get out of your comfort zone in the first place. I find going out alone to try certain things is a better option in certain situations, but this is often times too much for a shy person (way too out of reach for their comfort zone)
Then again, why limit this to “shy” friends? It is much easier to evolve and grow when you surround yourself with people that are better than you. It is counter-intuitive, but it works! The people around you influence you to be like them, so surrounding yourself with the people you want to be like will definitely help you get there much faster.
Oh I totally agree, Andrew.
Everyone can benefit from surrounding themselves by people they aspire to be like, from a qualities point of view. If you surround yourself by idiots, guess what direction you’ll head in? Same is true by constantly being around magical people. You’ll soon become magical yourself.
I commented in the confines of shyness though and an easy way to be confident and gain more confidence in oneself. Being with great people is what we should all be doing.
“You’ll always become an average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with.”
You’ve made me remember this, Martin!
Thank you so much for your insightful comments.
Looking forward to hearing more of your ideas soon!
Oh my pleasure entirely, Andrew. I love meeting new people on the net that are interested and passionate in the same things as me.
Resist being shy and pop over to my site and make yourself known in some of the comments and get a few CommentLuv pointers back here, for your stuff. Share the loving is a great thing.
Oh, I love that quote too. That’s the reason going out with your shy mates should evolve into getting non-shy buddies involved that are genuine in helping you become the confident person you desire to be.
Thanks for your sharing Andrew. From your picture seems your are full of confidence. It suitable with your domain about cure shyness.
nice your site thanks for sharing love you all teme good work keep it up